Fun House Mirror
by dochar ar bith ann
Summary: A cute, silly, AU oneshot. They're like figures in a Fun House Mirror, their features twisted until to look at them you can't help but laugh... and neither can they. Perhaps they should have known hate and laughter don't go together.


Well, this is just a silly, completely unrealistic oneshot, but I've been wanting to do it for ages. You'll notice the writing style is odd at first, but it'll all make sense by the end. it's an AU of sorts and contains Waternoose as a good boss, instead of the manipulative old creep we know and hate, so if you want him as a villain look elsewhere.

Disclaimer: I don't own; I'm just having my fun. Leave me alone.

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Fun-House Mirror

They made their easy way up the foyer, in no hurry at all. It was a beautiful day, and they weren't late.

Sulley stretched his arms, letting out a tremendous yawn. "So, Mike, who're we scaring today?"

Mike grinned. "Well, just a few ideal kids who I've picked out perfectly, and that thanks to my training, you will be able to handle in a snap."

Sulley nodded. "Sounds good." He paused to wave to the group of monsters who were watching him in awe. "Sorry, what was that? Oh, please, guys, call me Sulley. Or James. Or just Sull, if you want... some people do... My Mom calls me Patrick, 'cus that's my middle name...Oh, I guess you guys have to go. Bye!" He waved hugely to them as Mike yanked on his fur.

"Hurry up, Sulley, we can't be late! Do you wanna break that record or not?" Mike hissed.

"Well, of course I do, it's just-" Sulley began, pausing when he noticed that Mike was no longer listening.

The little green monster was at the reception desk, his one eye round with adoration. "Well hey there, Schmoopsie-poo, how's your day going? Glad to hear it, an' you know what? Tonight I am taking you out to the most romantic place in town! We're gonna have the time of our lives, baby, and you're gonna be even more in love with me than ever! Well, gotta go, gotta make the big scares, but wait for me! Audieu!" He blew a kiss from across the hall.

They went on their merry way, whistleing as they walked.

Suddenly, Mike let out a brief "Yarg!" and tumbled to the floor, rolling several feet before he finally managed to right himself.

Randall shifted out of invisability, snickering. "That _never _gets old," he cackled, raising his tail from where Mike had tripped over it.

Mike scowled. "Very funny, Randall. We'll see who's tripping who when _we _break the scare record and you don't."

Randall's hackles raised. "Hah. You'll never break that record. Your _luck_'s worn out, Wazowski. Things are going to change."

Sulley raised his paws. "Why can't we just work this out? Over lunch, maybe. We'll talk, we'll find out new things about eachother, and we won't ever have to fight again. C'mon, guys," he added pleadingly, "If we just calmed down for a minute I'm sure we could be good friends."

"Can it, Sullivan," Randall snapped.

Mike glared. "Yeah, that's right, pal, luck- Like that's what's been keepin' us ahead of you for _three years_!"

A muscle twitched near Randall's eye.

"Well, guess what, Lizard boy," Mike continued, "By the time we're through today you'll be _lucky _if you catch up to us in a million years!"

Randall, now looking as if he'd swallowed something foul, turned on his heel. "Yeah, well, we'll see about that, now won't we!" he spat over one shoulder. "Fungus!"

Fungus looked up from across the hall. "Ye-yes, sir?" he asked hesitantly.

"Get me coffee."

"O-of course, s-sir. Right away sir." He pushed his glasses further up on his face, cowering away from Randall.

Randall slithered up to him, towering over his assistant. "And if you don't have it to me within the next five seconds," he hissed, "I'll tear off your toes one-by-one, stuff them down your throat, smash those stupid bottlecap lenses of yours into your eyes, reverse your kneecaps, wrap you in barbed wire and-" he paused to hide a snort of laughter- "roll you... down Niagra Falls!"

No sooner did he have the words out than he fell to his knees, shaking with laughter. "Cut!" he cried, clutching at his sides. "I just can't say that with a straight face!"

Fungus let out a snorting, gasping sort of laugh. "Reverse my kneecaps? You're a bit late!" he giggled.

Sulley put a hand over his eyes and let out a booming chuckle.

Mike, meanwhile, began to giggle wildly, putting one hand to the floor to hold his balance. "Okay, now that's just nuts. The eye twitch thing was still the best, though."

"Oh, well done, boys! One of the best yet!" Waternoose boomed, shaking with laughter as he clapped. The forty or so monsters who had been snickering away at the performance the whole time now began to clap as well.

They bowed.

"So which of your own traits did you choose to exaggerate?" Waternoose asked.

Sulley shrugged. "Sheepish, peacekeeper, that kind of thing..."

"Loudmouthed, overconfident, confrontational, and obviously, obnoxiously in love," Mike offered. "That's me."

Sulley smirked. "Yeah, with the empty reception desk."

Randall snickered. "Wazowski's in love with the reception desk! Sorry, Celia, but it was never about you... he just hung around to get a glance at that wonderful hunk of wood."

"Ah, shut your face, Boggs. At least I've got a girl."

Waternoose smiled. "So what about you, Randall? Which traits did you exaggerate?"

He smirked. "Jelous, mean-spirited and abusive."

Fungus raised one hand. "Nervous, nerdy and terrified of Randall."

Titters of laughter travelled like ripples over the audience. "Excellent," Waternoose chuckled, "excellent. Alright, gentlemen, coffee break! We'll recommence in twenty minutes."

The four monsters in the centre picked themselves up, still grinning, and made their way over to the cafeteria. Mike slapped Randall on the back. "You totally made that one, y'know. How do you do the eye twitch thing?"

Randall grinned. "Easy. Just almost wink, but don't quite close your eye. Watch." He demonstrated.

"Coool..."

He frowned. "It's not _that _cool."

Waternoose approached them, a mug of coffe in one hand. "Well, gentlemen, that was impressive! Are you quite sure you're a novice at improv, Mr. Boggs?"

Randall nodded. "Never done it before, sir. Wazowski's an old hand, though, so I kinda went from him."

"Well, that's just the sort of thing I hoped to see from this retreat, boys, teamwork!" He clapped a claw-like arm around Sulley's back, and another around Randall's. "And humility, I must say. How does it feel to laugh at yourselves?"

Sulley grinned. "Good, sir. Helps you see where you can improve."

"Well, they don't call it improvisation for nothing. Anyways, I'll leave you to it." He scuttled off, no doubt to improve employer-employee relations elsewhere.

"Coffee, anyone?" Randall offered. "I'd like to take advantage of the free cafeteria while it lasts."

They found an unnoccupied table that hadn't been largely eaten and sat down, each with a cup of coffee, or in Randall's case, two cups of coffee.

"So I'm an addict," he smirked, taking a long sip, "Sue me."

Mike bit into his croissant. "Oh, don't tempt me, lizard boy. I got a cousin who's a lawyer and we'd just_ flatten_ you."

Randall finished his first cup, fronds lifting as the caffeine got into his system. "You do know that's a special slur? _Lizard boy_?"

Mike shrugged. "You've made enough Polyphemus jokes over the years; I think it doesn't count."

"At least _those _were clever. There's nothing clever about "lizard boy". Bad enough we get that crap on the local news; does it have to be in the workplace too?"

Mike recieved a slight nudge from Sulley and scowled. "Yeah, yeah, alright, sorry."

Randall took another sip of his coffee. "No problem."

Sulley cleared his throat. "Think they'll have another improv retreat next year?"

"Hope so," said Mike.

Randall shrugged. "Beats working."

"The games are a lot of fun," added Fungus, "I think I like Fun-House Mirror the best. It's good for cooperation, self-examination..."

Randall nudged his assistant. "Don't jinx it, Fungus. You're not supposed to think in improv."

"I suppose not," Fungus said sheepishly.

"Why d'ya think it's called Fun-House Mirror, anyway?" Mike wondered.

"It's a reflection of you, only distorted," Sulley explained, "Certain traits get exaggerated until they look ridiculous."

"Fair enough."

Randall rolled his eyes. "Well, atually, the whole improv retreat thing's a little silly. Everybody on the floor gets three days off in which to act like preschoolers. Great. An', I mean, I'm not sayin' I don't enjoy acting like a preeschooler-"

"-Which becomes more evident with each passing year," Mike sniggered.

"-Can it, Wazowski. But I don't think it's going to make any difference in how we all act in the long run."

Sulley shrugged. "Maybe not, but it's fun while it lasts."

-

Waternoose watched them from across the hall with a smile on his face. Those four, sitting together? And talking civilly, of all things?

This retreat had worked better than he'd hoped.

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Well, there you go! Entirely silly, largely pointless and completely OOC! Do you like it?

If you have a soul, then you'll take pity on me and review.

Apologies for that shameless guilt trip. I can't help it. I'm Irish.

With love,

Till My Head Falls Off


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